untangling confusion
one thread at a time
confusion tangled web a tangled web of confusion here again a familiar state feeling eternal eternal in this space and time eternally under the surface of this lifetime I imagine this state has come and gone my whole life. A pattern I've lived since the beginning of time. My awareness of the confusion is relatively new, a state I noticed a couple of years ago, but then I couldn't look. Now, there is just enough space to begin to turn my eye toward the confusion. If I turn too quickly, get too close, or look too deeply, my eye automatically turns away. it's tender it's deep it requires a particular quality of courage and gentleness one thread at a time i tell myself there is nowhere to go but I notice the challenge to be here disorganize to reorganize my therapist says can I watch the coming and going the confusion the disarray I am being reminded in my dreams of the impermanence that is life. Life around me, life in me, life that is me. It can feel as if there is nothing to hold onto. And that's the paradox, there is and there isn't. there is ground in me as i evanesce into the ethers and i return home when i remember From what I can tell, life is a melting pot of paradox, and cultivating a center between the polarities is the great work. This leads to another paradox. No one can do this work for me, but I cannot do it alone. I have to learn to hold and be held, the latter proving to be quite the obstacle. It requires a trustfall into the void. One that requires my life's experience of all the mistrust and distrust to be seen and felt. Not all at once. One thread at a time, as we unravel the tangled web of confusion.
breathe deep child, remember who you are and why you came here.
